5 Surprising Elements of An Effective Conversation About Change from Instant Influence by Michael Pantalon
Persuading people to change is a big part of running a successful business. You need to persuade in employee, vendor, partner, and client management, not to mention the importance of persuasion in sales.
And if you’re like most people, you assume great persuasion is all about finding the right messaging to inspire change.
But it turns out that telling people what they should (or shouldn’t) do isn’t a great way to motivate them, especially when you’re an authority figure. No matter how compelling your argument is, the more you impose your opinion, the more you demotivate others to change.
So you might be asking yourself, if I can’t tell people what they should be doing, how can I persuade them to change? Enter the advice of Dr. Michael Pantalon from the Yale School of Medicine and his Instant Influence process. If you need to inspire productive change in others, this book is a great read.
5 Surprising Elements of An Effective Conversation About Change
1. Prioritize Autonomy Above All Else
As humans we are programmed for autonomy, and when someone tells us we have to do something, we won’t want to do it. If you want to encourage lasting change, especially in those who are hesitant to change, you have start by recognizing that the choice is always theirs.
With this in mind, when you begin a conversation about change, reinforce their autonomy from the get-go. Try language like “This is entirely up to you,” or “I can’t make this choice for you – it’s your decision.”
And while it might be tempting to bring consequences into the autonomy discussion by saying something like – “I can’t make this decision for you, but if you don’t change you’ll lose your job”, by doing this you’ll derail the conversation before it’s even started. Your consequences will diminish their sense of autonomy, and they will become defensive, and the conversation will shut down.
2. Let Them Find Their Own Motivation
After telling someone ‘the choice to change is yours’, you might be tempted to start listing all the reasons you think they should change. But your reasons won’t motivate them. They need to find their own reasons. So after you’ve genuinely recognized their autonomy, you need to ask them, “If you were to consider changing, why might you make that choice?”
If you get responses that start with “I should” or “I have to” lead them away from these statements, and ask them again, why THEY would want to change, independent of the should’s of the world. You’re looking for their own personal motivation. What benefits might they experience if they made a change?
3. Focus on the Positives
While it’s very human to dwell on the bad things that can happen if we don’t change, studies have shown that thinking about the benefits of change is far more impactful than considering negative consequences. For example, imagine you’re talking with an event partner that you’re trying to persuade to do more marketing. When you ask them why they might want to do more marketing , they might talk about the embarrassment of hosting an empty event. In this situation, encourage them to shift from thinking of a negative outcome to a positive one. Ask them to imagine the benefits of hosting a well-attended event. And remember to resist sharing the benefits that motivate you. They need to find their own positive reasons to change.
4. Dig Deep
Once the ‘influencee’ has identified the positive outcomes they may experience from change, it’s time to dig deeper a simple strategy called the 5 Why’s. Using the 5 Why’s just means, asking them why the care about a benefit 5 times.
For example, imagine you’re a coach working with a client who needs to spend more times on sales, but hasn’t made that change. When you ask why they might want to do more sales activity, they could say, “to make more money.” And from that answer, you start with your 5 Why’s
Why 1 - “Why do you want more money?” Their response – “I want to buy a house”.
Why 2 - “Why do you want to buy a house.” “I want some place I can customize for myself.”
Why 3 - “Why do you want to customize your home?” “I want to have the colors I prefer, the layout I prefer, and outdoor space I prefer.”
Why 4 – “Why is having all those things so important?” “Where I live is a big part of my inner peace, and I want a space that creates that peace.”
Why 5 – “Why is inner peace so important to you?” “I have a lot of anxiety, and finding relief from that in my home will make everything about my life better.”
Through the 5 Why’s conversation, you’ve taken the influencee to their true motivation. They want to do more sales activity because it will lead to more peace in their own space and lessen their anxiety.
5. Start With Small Steps
Once you’ve helped the ‘influencee’ identify why they want to change, it’s time for them to decide on a small step to get started. Jumping in with a 100 new things to do almost guarantees that no change will happen, or that the change will only be temporary.
And it’s not up to you to assign them their steps for change (that will negate their autonomy). If they ask for help identifying first steps, you might give them a few options to consider, but at the end of the day, they need to decide what they’re going to do to start their change process.
For example, if an employee keeps arriving to work late, they might set a ‘get ready for bed’ reminder on their phone to encourage them to go to sleep earlier. Or if a group member isn’t doing their book club reading, they could schedule just 10 reading minutes in their day for the next two weeks.
Small Business Book Review: Instant Influence
I think Instant Influence by Michael Pantalon is a great book for any small business owner. We all work with people that would benefit from change (including ourselves), and Pantalon’s system can be used to encourage change in almost anyone.
I’m sure the system isn’t perfect – nothing is – but it will definitely give you insights into how to improve your persuasion techniques. And if you’re like me, as you read you will think of a thousand conversations about change that could have gone better, and many future conversations you are now more equipped to have.
I give Instant Influence a 5 out 5 stars. This is a book that will help you in business and personal life.
